“How dare you sir, how dare you! There’s no place for such implications in a cultured and academic setting as this! You are a gentleman, are you not?” As my wife and most of the people I know will attest, I am not. Plus, the title just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Ewww - too far?
Despite the potential protest from our more refined readership, the lowbrow title stays as a tribute to Rory’s past few days here in the NICU. Rory’s rectal dilations appear to working (or rectal dilatations if you are overly educated or simply pretentious). She has had several successful stools following the dilation procedure. For the less imaginative, I will describe the procedure as being similar to taking a baby’s temperature, the old fashioned way. Today, Dr. Fairbanks (aka Col. Hannibal Smith) performed the procedure himself, and the results were reported to me as being massively successful. And stink-ily successful too.
So that’s all good news, more good news in a string of goods news. In fact, every test, every result, every finding we’ve had since we arrived here 36 nights ago has shown Rory to be very normal. I’m starting to think the doctors’ and nurses’ affinity for our daughter has brought about a conspiracy to find new and inventive ways to keep her here. Not really, but wouldn’t that make for a more interesting story?
Rory is up to 38 ml every 3 hours in her feeding regime. For the metric-ly challenged, 38 milliliters equates to 1.28 US fluid ounces (or 0.08 gpd for my fellow engi-nerds). The plan is still to get her up into the range of 66-70 ml per feed, but we’ll see if the doctors can approach that goal patiently. I won’t be surprised if they get too excited and start accelerating her feeds. But right now, the goal is to develop a plan that will get us back home as a family unit. The plan will consist of intentional feeds, rectal dilations, and frequent doctors’ visits – from home. In case you missed it, the key word is ‘home’.
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